The realist ish I ever wrote...

I've seen many things in my life. Survived even more. I know what it's like to watch your father die, when you are not old enough to understand death. I know what it's like to watch your mother lose herself at that same moment. I know what it's like being forced to deal with the random men that follow that kind of heart break. I know how it feels to be the one that doesn't match, doesn't fit in. I have experienced the ignorance of prejudice remarks from my own family. I know betrayal.  I know what it's like to fall in love and have that same person put a gun to your head. I know what it's like to repeat the cycle. I know how it feels to have your heart broken so many times you can't tell if you still have one.  I know how it feels to watch a room full of doctors fight to save your child's life. I know what it's like to end your child's life before it ever even began. I know what it's like to watch your oldest and dearest friend lose the battle with an evil disease. I know what "too many funerals" feels like. I know what it's like to love so hard there is nothing left of you. I know regrets. I know mistakes. I know redemption. There are people who know my story and commend me for getting to where I am with all I've been through. But the funny thing is when you look in the mirror you realize perception is not the same as reflection. I'm not there yet. But I will be. I am blessed to say I also know what it feels like to have a roof over your head every night. I know what it feels like to have a full pantry. I know what it's like to hear your children laugh and know they are doing just fine. I know what it's like to have real friends. I know what it's like to walk by faith, fall down and get back up.  I know how to pray. I know what it's like to really talk to God...and listen to the response. I know how it feels when a man really loves you. But more importantly, I finally know how it feels to really love yourself.  Through it all, that is the best lesson I have ever learned. For that I am grateful and I wouldn't change a thing.