Vacay

I have never been so ready for a vacation as I am now. Lucky me, I am taking one next week. Now if I can just make it through the rest of this one...

My Ah-Ha Moment

As you know if you have been reading this or are close to me in any capacity in my life right now, I have been in serious "it's time to figure things out" mode. Well yesterday I had my ah-ha moment. As I have been reflecting, struggling, debating the last several months trying to figure my life out and decide which direction I am supposed to be heading - it just hit me. But when it hit me I realized it has been there all along - brewing inside - as I walked around it, jumped over it, passed by it all these years. It's always been there. My thoughts and deepest desires have been pushing me to take this path my whole life, but for some reason I have taken every other side street in the world. The older I get I am beginning to think that our "purpose" is with us from the day we are born, but we fail to open our eyes, minds and hearts enough to find it. All the while it's there, waiting.

Surprise!!!

That's how I feel everyday of my life lately. Life is full of surprises, twists and turns. I've realized God is trying to teach me patience and adaptibility at the exact same time. Just when you think everything has finally settled into a groove and you know where you are heading you happen to get pushed off onto this side road you didn't even know existed. Oh well, here's to the adventure.

M.I.A

I know I have been missing in action the last week or so...they say when it rains it pours and it seems everything came crashing down at once. But I see the sun trying to poke through the clouds and all of the tension that has taken permanent residence in my body is slowly starting to trickle away.  If I can just make it through the next week, then maybe I can relax and get back into a "normal" life routine. Although I have found at this point, my life is anything but normal. Through it all I am still grateful for the blessings I receive everyday.  Even when the road is rough I know there is always a blessing waiting at the end.

Sometimes...

instead of going to God...He comes to you.

Woo-saahhh..

Today, I am just trying to keep it all together.

The one thing I could not live without...

Books. I realized this recently with the lack of cable tv in my life. Books are so much better. I have read 3 books in the last 2 weeks. I'm currenlty hooked on this wonderful vampire series. I have no idea where my facination for vamps came from but it has always been there since childhood. I think at this point in my life it's the escape from my "grown up" reality. Drifting off into another world where nothing is what it seems somehow helps me deal with this one a little better.

It's time...

To step up my game on plotting my ultimate escape. I can see it clearly in my mind. At least, I can see the end result clearly in my mind. It's time to put it on paper and track my progress. When you have to stop and ask yourself frequently- what am I really doing with my life? Then it's time to answer the question.

Patience...

is something God left out when I was created. I think He is trying to get me to learn to have some.   I hate waiting in traffic, but here I am in Atlanta.  My new house is pending...waiting for paperwork. I could go on with a whole list of things I am forced to wait on. I'm getting better though. I have learned to completely zone out in traffic. Although sometimes I zone out too much and forget where I am really going (don't tell anyone.) I think the root of my problem is that I have way to much to do (this to do list is what I tend to zone out on in traffic) and not nearly enough time to do it, so waiting for anything makes life that much harder. So maybe I really need to cut down the list of things I have to do....if only I could. Woo...Saahhh. 

If only I could still...

survive on 3-4 hours sleep like I used to in round 1. Definitely can't do that anymore. I don't know how I ever could. Or maybe it's just once I gave my body the chance to see what adequate sleep felt like, it doesn't want to go back. To my dismay, all of the things going on in my life have reverted me back to those 3-4 hours sleep nights. And I feel like sh*t. For a just a few weeks, can I revert back to my old self? The one that can stay up until the sun rises, take a nap (yes a few hours is more like a nap) and start all over again without the blink of an eye? If only...

Today, I smiled.

Not that I never smile, I do. I smile all the time. But today was different. I've spent the weekend socializing with new and old friends. I also somehow managed to have a few very important conversations with people that mean a whole lot to me. So in the midst of all my socializing, part of my mind was reflecting. (Thank goodness for my excellent multi-tasking skills.) The kind of deep reflection you would think would require yoga or meditation or something along those lines. But I managed to pull it off right there in the middle of everyone, yet no one seemed to know the inner workings I was putting on myself.  As I got home this evening and sat down in my own element, I realized in the quietness, I was smiling. I was not stressed out, or worrying or upset or angry or overwhelmed. I was smiling.  I am peaceful. It may not be perfect, but I have a good life...finally.

A few things...

I really need to get a few things off my chest....

- Just because I am a little person, it does not give you the right to take up my space on the plane. You did not pay for one and a half seats. Get away from me.

- If you know you are coughing, sneezing, snorting and whatever else in a confined area with a lot of people, like on a plane, buy a mask. We do not want your germs.

- Obama hasn't even been in office 8 weeks, and people are already trying to tear him apart. Love him or hate him-  give him 8 years like you did Bush. It took Bush that long to get us in all this shit. Obama can't get us out overnight. 

- Politicians are Politicians no matter who they are. Remember that. This IS America. Land of the free. Appreciate your freedom. In some countries you would be killed for portraying the leader of your nation as an animal getting shot. 

- Racism and prejudice are still alive in this country. How easily people seem to forget that this country was built on the blood, sweat and tears of slaves. Minorities fought in every war we have had and been a part of building every industry this country has thrived on.  We are all living in a nation that was stolen. White. Black. Latino. Asian- none of us are natives. We all bleed red.

- Black people- we are not slaves anymore. Stop living with a slave mentality. Think outside of the box you have confined yourself to. Dream bigger. God made us an enduring people for a reason. Imagine what we could accomplish if we really used our gifts. They can't kill us, beat us or torture us (legally) anymore- all they can do is hate. Let them hate, we are stronger. They can't stop us and there is nothing they can do about the black man sleeping in the White House tonight.

- Why the f**k is octo-mom on every news channel all day everyday? Her 14 kids will be taking care of by all the money being wasted on the book/media deals pouring in. What about the thousands of kids in this country starving, living on the streets and dying everyday. Why isn't that all over the news? Focus on a real problem.

- The economy is all jacked up. We are all dealing with it. Maybe it's time to focus on what life is really about instead of seeing who can floss the best. Learn the words- emergency fund.

Ok, that is all for now. Thanks for listening.

Live

We only get one life. With all of the things going on- the economy, stock market, job losses, foolishness- why are so many people not living it? Yes times are not the best, but are you making the best of your time? Find opportunity in the transitions. It's there you just have to get off your ass and look for it. Each moment you waste is gone forever. Make the most of every moment. If you don't- what is really the point of it all?

On a limb...

I thought after a few days I would miss the 8 inches of hair I rid myself of a week or so ago. No regrets. In fact, I love my new haircut. Proving to myself it was definitely time for change in my life. It's the little things we do to set our lives on a new course. It's the simple pleasures in life we need to hold dear. Change is good. It can be extremely positive. I sometimes wonder how some people spend their whole lives doing the exact same thing everyday. Never taking risks. Never taking chances. What a horrible way to live. It's time for me to step out on a limb.