Preparation

I visited a new church today. It's funny how sometimes the message you receive is right on time as if it was there waiting for you. The Bishop said something that really made me think. "You don't get what you want in life, you get what you prepare for."  How many of us talk about all the success we want but spend our time preparing for failure? Even those of us who try to prepare sometimes just miss the mark. We are preparing for things we know are attainable instead of preparing for the things we really want to aspire to. Dream bigger. Prepare for greatness. Have the faith that you have already received it. 

Unveiled

I have been observing a lot lately.  Not just observing myself (if you have been reading you know I have been doing a lot of this) but observing everyone else. You learn about yourself when you take a closer look at the people around you. I have realized there is only about a handful of  "real" people in my life. Everyone walks around with various masks on. They could be anyone depending on the day, or the crowd. So I am grateful for my handful of friends who are the same person they always are no matter what day it is, what the circumstance is or who is around. They are my constants. My foundation. I do wonder though what would happen if just for one day everyone was unveiled? What would we really see?

Thankful. Part 1

The holidays seem to either make people really happy or really depressed. I keep hearing how this year will be less. Less presents, less food, less money. It seems there is a lot of focus on what we don't have. The economy has turned us into a nation of "glass half empties." Today I am thankful for everything I have in my glass. Even if it's only half full. I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my health, my job, (my side hustles), my infinite blessings, my wisdom, my life. I'm thankful for the new people I meet everyday and what they bring into my life. I'm thankful for the people that have been there beside me through it all. I'm thankful that I live in a world where anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it.

Intelligent Thug

He walks into the room with the swagger of a million gangstas. You can't help to feel his presence. Tatt-ed up. His body art tells a story of the life he has lived. The hood he is from. Knots in his pockets. Chrome at his side. Never been to college. He holds a street degree. But has read more books than your history professor. Manages million dollar budgest on a daily basis. He always has a plan. Flipped the illegal into legal so his seeds don't need to. Intelligent Thug.

Even if only for a day.

So I'm at a social gathering this weekend and find myself in a conversation about life, relationships, single motherhood, men, money, success and so on with two people I have never met before in my life. I have found myself in this situation kind of a lot lately. I'm not sure what it is about me that somehow makes people open up...with my walls and all. But I have realized that God will talk to you in a number of ways through a number of people. Pay attention. I realized in the middle of this conversation and that the words coming out of my mouth reflected the growth that has taken place in me over the past year. I realized that the words entering my ears I have heard before in my private conversations with God. I also realized that answers to some of my questions were being spoken as well. Everything happens for a reason. If you ask, you shall receive...you just never know who might bring the answers. People come into your life for a reason...even if only for a day.

Why Hate? Just get your own sh*t.

I've realized that no matter how old you get, people still hate. My inner circle is full of successful people, which also means that on a regular basis we are all surrounded by haters. I just don't understand. Instead of hating on someone, acting out against them or trying to bring them down because they are doing their thing - why not put all that wasted energy into getting your own sh*t? Don't talk about it. Be about it.

Pause...again

I don't remember having this many things to do in round 1.  Maybe I did,  I was just younger with more energy so I didn't realize it. One thing is for sure. I feel it more in round 2. Hence, another PAUSE day....or should I say evening since nothing about today was paused.

Merge

So I have been living in Atlanta for 4 years. It's true, things are just different down south.  People say "Hi" and wave that don't even know you. People smile at you for no reason. But I'm not quite sure what happens to "southern hospitality" on I85, I75, I20 I285, HWY 316, or just about any other street I may drive on any given day. Hospitality flies out the window. It's like people are competing to win a million dollars and to win you have to be the rudest, dumbest driver on the road. The word for the day is MERGE. Meaning that each car alternates when "merging" onto the highway or any situation where you are entering existing traffic. The result- you keep it moving. That's all it takes not to sit for hours in traffic that is being held up by a few cars who don't know how to go with the flow. Keep it moving. I know why some people seem mad for no reason in ATL. It's not the bad economy. It's not the mortgage crisis. The traffic is driving everyone mad. I don't know if people who need to learn patience have all migrated to ATL and God is trying to teach us all a lesson at the same time or if it is just amusing for Him to watch. 

The Thinker

If only I could get paid on a per thought basis...Oprah, Donald Trump and the Olsen Twins would be living below the poverty level in comparison to the wealth I would be accumulating by the second. Translation- my brain never shuts off. It's in constant overdrive. Thinking, creating, planning, worrying, regretting, worrying, planning, analyzing, worrying, stressing, planning, creating, remembering, planning, worrying, regretting, creating. It's an ongoing cycle and during many instances it is multitasking to cover several categories at once. Does anyone know a good travel agent? I would like to send my brain on a vacation. Some remote, plush, tropical place where it can meditate, relax and rest. Then maybe I could actually get some sleep, or some real work done, or finish one of the many things my brains starts before jumping ship to something else. Like my book, which I must have started or worked on in some form for the past 5, no wait, could it be 10 years? Time flies when your brain in on constant overdrive. Yes, a brain vacation. Wouldn't that be wonderful. It would be a welcome break, especially since I have thought of at least 12 other things to write about or do while I have been writing this. Penny for your thoughts?

Me, Happier

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time with one of the most important people in my life- Me. I realized I have spent more of my years ignoring and neglecting her than giving her the attention she needs. So I have been spending a lot of quality time with Me. She has been taking advantage of this time making sure I know how hurt she is that I haven't always been there for her. It's been full of ups and downs. Laughter and tears. I'm learning something new about Me everyday and as it turns out I really like her. In fact, I think I am actually learning to love her. Who would have thought? Each day I spend with Me gets better and better. She is opening up and I am letting her know that I am here for her. I think this is the beginning of a long, beautiful relationship with the end result being- Me, Happier. 

Random

The older I get the more aware I am of the negative effects from sleep deprivation, unhealthly foods and alcohol (when mixed with sleep deprivation and junk food.) Your body tries to tell you this when you are younger - but as you age it seems your body's voice gets stronger - like it's been to ultimate boot camp and now you must listen to what it is saying or else it will shut you down.  But then again, nothing is too harmful in moderation right? That's all you will get from me today- time to recharge. 

The Ultimate U-Turn

So this one may be a little longer than usual...School was always easy to me. The fact that I skipped a majority of 11th and 12th grade while still graduating with a 3.8 says a lot. I remember at one point having 65 absences on record. But Hey Mom- I got all As! In 11th grade, I had letters from every Ivy League school in the country sitting on my dresser. I did not know then the significance of these schools wanting me. I had no one in my life talking to me about college. I had something more important to focus on - becoming a mother. My beautiful daughter was born 10 days before Christmas. Her first Christmas was spent in NICU. She had not made it home yet. It is quite an experience to become a mother at 17. Even more of an experience to watch your child almost die. So, I never really paid attention to those letters sitting on my dresser at home. The pile of colleges I could go to - for free. My daughter pulled through and is everything I have ever hoped her to be. Graduation rolled around and I had no plans. After a few months I knew that I "was too smart" not to go to college. So I made my way down to the community college and started taking classes. They had a sheet that told you the required classes to take to get your Associates degree. So I enrolled in the basics and took whatever electives sounded interesting to me- no rhyme or reason- no career goal. I met someone along the way (Emerson- I am forever grateful for you) who helped me get on the right track and to a University- for free. One problem. I had to choose a major. I had no clue. All I knew is I needed to make enough money to give my daugher a good life. My passion is to create- write, paint, draw- anything artistic. I never realized I could actually have a career come out of my passion. So I searched for my "I am being a responsible mother" safe major. One day I heard someone mention they would major in communications. I had no clue what that meant. I looked it up and it sounded like it would work. Seemed to have a variety of career options. My major- communications. In my junior year of college (still taking random electives that appealed to me) I took a magazine article writing class. It was the best experience I had through all my years of school. ( I would get my Master's immediately following undergrad.) I am forever grateful to that Professor, even though I didn't listen to his advice when I should have. After reading a couple of my writings he bluntly asked me "what the hell I was doing majoring in communications" I was clearly a writer. I did love to write. And writing is sprinkled in the careers you chase with a communications degree. I mean I LOVE to write. But all I could think of was that majoring in journalism would result in working at a newpaper, writing boring articles I didn't want to read, making little to no money. I continued on my path - communications, mass media emphasis, public relations specialization. (This is the point where I should have made a turn.) I've had a lot of great experiences since then. Some not so great. But now, I am officially making the Ultimate U-turn. I'm heading back to that day and making that left turn. My passion lives in a pencil and paper ( or keyboard and computer screen- but pencil and paper sounds better.) It's never too late to follow your dreams. Follow me as I make my left turn.

Speak the truth

If you really want to know the truth about something, ask a 6 year old. Some way along the path of growing up that blunt honesty gets lost and we learn to adjust, monitor our responses depending on the outcome we want or what we think someone wants to hear.  The truth is sometimes it's that blunt honesty we need the most. 

Laugh through the tears....

You ever notice that laughter is  just about one of the most contagious things you will encounter.  My journey through round 1 was full of trial and error, tears, heartaches, hangovers and most of all laughter.  The people in my life that make me laugh are the most treasured. Although at times I have let life get in the way and not spent the time with those I treasure the most- round 2 will be full those most important to me. I can face the tears and heartache sure to come in round 2 because I know I have people in my life that will laugh through the tears right by my side.

Importance of Forgiveness

To forgive. It can sometimes feel like the hardest thing to do. So we walk around holding grudges...focused on negatively...clinging to the hurt.  When we are born we should receive a manual of life's lessons that we should learn early. At the top of the list should be forgiveness with a special footnote that points out that most often the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. I've realized the power of forgiveness. Of letting go and moving on. I've learned how important it is to get rid of that, clear the space and allow what has been waiting for you to move in.  Yes, I have forgiven those in my life that have caused me the most pain. A+ for that. But if forgiving yourself is the passage to graduation...I am still writing my dissertation. Hindsight is a mutha. Looking back at the why did I-s, what was I thinking-s and only if I-s can drive you crazy. If I would have just did this differently or made that left instead of going straight my life would be perfect right? Not likely. I would just end up with another set of what ifs. My dissertation is coming along nicely though. I have realized that it isn't about the bad choices or regrets. Life is about the lessons I have learned from them. So I am focusing on the lessons. Getting one step closer to graduation. 

Killa Team

Any truly successful individual cannot say they got to where they are completely on their own. Most belong to a killa team.  A team of people who share the same drive, passion and go get it. A collective of minds who each excels in their particular expertise. Take a look around you. Who sits in your inner circle? Do you surround yourself with forward thinkers or stagnant procrastinators? Sometimes it is just time to re-align. Shot out to my inner circle, the most killa team I have ever seen- let's keep pushing each other to the limits and beyond. 09 is gonna be crazy. Let's get it. 

If these walls could talk...

We all have things in our lives we know we need to work on. Things we know we need to change. For me, it's tearing down the walls. You would think I was quite an impressive builder if you could see the walls I have been building for the past 25 years. Anything 25 years in the making is quite remarkable. It is also very hard to undo. I stand behind my walls of armour with an S on my chest and a smile on my face like many of the Superwomen out there. But if you remove the walls and take off the cape you will see the fears, struggles and pain I have been through to get me to this place. Building these walls have left many bumps and bruises along the way.  My walls are an illusion of protection, safety, something necessary to get to tomorrow. But the same walls we build as a form of self protection can also keep out blessings God is sending our way. There comes a time when you need to tear down the walls and start building a new foundation.

Pause

Sometimes you got to take a day (or two) just to chill, relax and recharge. So today I am on pause. 

Step Ya Game Up

I have been around hustlers all my life. I come from a place where every one has a hustle and everyone is out to get that paper. But the problem is, everyone is still trying to get ahead with the same hustle they were doing when they were 16. The kind that only leaves you dead or in jail. It's time to step your game up. If you been hustling in the streets all your life you have learned survival skills and business skills that can translate into a real hustle. Dream bigger. America really is the land of opportunity. But you have to go get it. It won't come to you while you are standing on a street corner. It's time to set goals and go after them. Read a few books, learn the real business game. Find your niche and go after it. Put that drive into something positive and you might just be amazed at what happens.

Tears of Joy

I must say this morning is one I will never forget. As I left my house to take my son to school, I noticed a difference in the people around me. I can feel the hope...see it in the smiles on the faces of those I encountered. I don't think we knew that this day would be so emotional. As Black people, we have shed a lot of tears during our history in this country. Last night, for the first time millions of Black Americans cried collective tears of joy. Everyone in this country is taking part in history no matter what the race. But for Black Americans to see one of our own take the thrown - it's validation a long time coming. Something many who haven't experienced being a minority in America could never understand. Emotions of our ancestors run deep in our souls today. Former slaves are smiling down on us sharing in our tears of joy.

History has been made.

The improbable is a reality. America has elected a Black President. After spending a lifetime not fitting in and searching for someone like me, a mixed girl from the midwest, I now look to our leader and smile.  I am proud to be able to be a part of this history and know that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of all our lives. Change is here. This is what happens when we come together. Just imagine what else we could do.....

History in the making...

No matter what the outcome, today is an historical day. I spent the day at home with my seeds ( schools were out.) I'm glad I did. Tomorrow things will be different. Regardless of who wins the election- tomorrow things will be different. So I took a moment just to live in the moment. I watched my kids play. I paid attention to everything around me and just took a moment. Then I gave thanks for my blessings. I am grateful I have a mortgage that I can pay. I am grateful I have a job to go to everyday (plus a few hustles on the side.) I am grateful I can put food on the table and provide all the necessities to my family. I prayed for those who can't. Life is rough sometimes. We all have our stories. We have all been through it in some way or another. But if you focus on what you do have rather than what you don't, you might realize that sometimes it is not as bad as you think. Hope is a powerful thing. Faith is even more powerful. I have hope and faith in the future.

Each Day is Blessing

I woke up feeling really good about today. I am grateful to be blessed with it and happy to know that no matter what happens today, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. A whole new day to start over and I am thankful for each new day I get.

Some things really change with time.

They say as you get older you can't do the things you used to. Like going for days without a lot of sleep. I remember when we used to stay up until the sun came up...catch a couple hours and do it all over again. Staying up until the sun comes up now means I will need to sleep until the sun goes down. I've learned sleep is important and a wonderful thing in life. Although every now and then there are some things worth missing a little sleep for.